"This is a masterful and worthy final chapter in the best franchises ever put to film."
-Richard Roeper, on that first movie
"Tone is for single-purpose machines. Consistency is for Decepticons. Michael Bay's ideal movie shifts from action movie to teen comedy to political drama with the same well-lubricated ease that his cars become men."
-Charlie Jane Anders, io9.com, on that second movie
"What the hell have you been doing all summer?"
-A buddy of mine
This summer definitely hasn’t been short on blockbusters. Having opted to lock myself in the closet of my local movie theatre for the past few months in order to avoid paying for tickets (you know how expensive they are lately?), I can safely say I’ve caught my fair share of the latest films.
For starters, the Part 1 I reviewed before the turn of the year has promised the long-awaited finale to the Harry Potter series (with all the related trailers, merchandising, and fans camping out for days before the midnight premiere). 7/15 serves for many an antithesis and antidote to 9/11, recipients are turning out in droves with invitations to Voldemort’s funeral, those first eight notes to the Harry Potter theme will be ringing in my ears for the next year. The other day I saw the top ten Harry Potter quotes on the back of a passerby’s shirt; the famous “Not my daughter, you bitch!” line was only number eight.
I can only assume the film I ended up seeing on 7/18 (because I didn’t feel like camping out the night before 7/15) was fairly faithful to the book, with some exception. For instance, with every “Not my daughter, etc.,” there should have been an “M-word” thrown in. This racial epithet in question was left out of the film version in an ill-advised attempt to avoid offending the “Muggle” crowd, while arguably detracting from the character arc of a certain fan favorite.
Plus, unlike many fans, I came out (or rather, was dragged kicking and screaming out) of the theater not necessarily hating the epilogue. It served as a nice coda to the series, establishing the characters we’ve come to grow up with as adult wizards in their own right while introducing us to a new generation of wizards not unlike the main trio back in “The Sorcerer’s Stone.” It was almost as if the whole world was starting fresh again after the war against Voldemort. (Personally, I’m looking forward to the ninth movie, in which Harry Potter treats his kid to Chuck E. Cheese.)
The war itself was handled like anything else in Hollywood—namely, with a lot of flash and noise. If there’s a spell for sound and fury, this film pulled it off. Harry Potter and co. have been on the lam for most of their seventh year, but their quest for the Horcruxes, picking up where they left off in Deathly Hallows Part 1, soon takes them back to Hogwarts, where one of the teachers randomly chases off the new, EEEVIIIILLL headmaster Snape. (Why McGonagall waits for the better part of a year before doing anything is beyond me, though I suppose the EEEEEEVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLL Lord Voldemort being BAAAACCCKKK might have a lot to do with it.)
Then, as the main characters start trying to whittle away at old Voldy’s horcruxes, the film slowly rises to a climax, and then backs off of that climax, and then races back to try and retrace its steps, and then realizes it’s forgotten something back at the office, and then there’s some sort of…thing…snake?...phoenix?...giant spell made of fire our heroes have tooutrun outfly, all while saving that one blond kid I grew to hate over the course of the series. Then, as the film reaches its climax again, it’s had a few beers by now, so it stops and just starts pulling donuts in the parking lot, so you can’t tell which way it’s headed.
My point being, the life of a boy wizard is unbelievably awesome. Depending on whether you’ve read the book or not, you may either share this view, or you may be waiting for Harry Potter to just jump in the fridge and wait for the nukes to go off. Our boy wizard peeks back out long enough to watch Snape’s life flash before his eyes, and then the film, drinking some coffee to get itself “buzzed,” starts roaring toward the climax, a hundred miles an hour, and ends up ramming the fridge into a gas station. Located next to a bus full of nuns. Next to an orphanage. My point is, there’s never a dull moment.
Speaking of dull moments, Molly Weasley got maybe two people in my theater (including myself) to clap for her. That’s sad, isn’t it? Neville Longbottom got a round of applause out of the right half of the theater, but Molly “Not My Daughter You Bitch” Weasley gets two people. To be fair, Neville did take out a horcrux, and Mrs. Weasley…never really got that much focus in the movies anyway…
Another new movie I was looking forward to is Transformers 3. I’ve seen the first, and while it makes for an okay action movie and an okay (if somewhat implausible) sci-fi movie, it probably isn’t the best Transformers movie, in that there’s too much focus on the humans and not enough on those giant robots they’re all either running away from, making friends with, or trying to blow up.
My comment about nuking the fridge comes to mind when referring to the second movie, in that Michael Bay went out of his way not just to nuke the fridge, but to try and nuke the sun. I remember something about an old guy-type Transformer, wizened and hunched over, with a beard made out of little aluminum tendrils, but unlike the other two movies, I never saw “Revenge of the Fallen” in the theater, so I was actually spending most of that movie doing homework, checking my emails, and messing around on the all-consuming black hole that is TV Tropes.
“Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon” was a back-to-basics approach in that it was an okay action movie and an okay (if somewhat implausible) sci-fi movie, but also not the best Transformers movie, in that there is too much focus on the humans and not enough on those giant robots that just got captured offscreen. Also, Megatron is a punk in this one. He is an absolute blight on movie villains everywhere, and every time he was onscreen, I either felt pity for the poor soul, or I just wanted to facepalm. (Seriously, the Beast Wars version of Megatron would be disappointed. Yeeesss…)
Where Megatron himself is lacking, though, the other Transformers have much more distinct motivations in this film, and the backstory (including the actual presence of Cybertron) seems more fleshed-out this time. Mind you, even Optimus wasn’t someone I really felt like rooting for when it was all said and done, and all this film really did for me was reinforce the stereotype that machines will destroy us all in the future, but it introduced us to Transformers beyond “good guys” and “bad guys.” Like big (i.e., car-sized) Transformers and the little ones Sam Witwicky’s been keeping with him for some reason.
Speaking of Witwicky, he’s kind of the hero. He has some plot about a new girlfriend, and not being able to get a job, and there’s also this other guy he’s jealous of, but let’s face it, you’re not going to see movies like this for those meatbag human characters. You came to see the robots.
The nice thing about Transformers 3 is that there’s at least an A-plot. Mind you, the same thing could probably be said about the second one too, but the latest edition is quick to tie in the exploits of us meatbags (what with that whole “moon landing” we all make such a big deal about) with the war between the Cybertronians (or the Transformers, as us meatbags call them). And while it still fulfills its role as a straightforward action movie, especially with a climax that just keeps dragging and dragging and dragging for upwards of the last hour, there are much darker undertones to this tale of boy meets city-destroying robots. I know this because some characters died, some other characters betrayed the rest of the characters, and because Michael Bay said so.
A question to filmmakers, though: What is the big deal about 3-D? The trailers and commercials make better use of the 3-D technology than Michael Bay did. Sure, the little CGI mascot demonstrating how our $3 glasses work just jumps off the screen, but the most we get out of Transformers is a little explosive debris headed our way. Why so stingy with the visual effects? If robots are destroying our world, I want to be able to feel like my fragile human form is about to perish at the might of headache-inducing action sequences.
Note: The Brewsky is an enthusiastic contributor and movie reviewer. He’s a cool guy. Eh’s engaged to a girl at the local theater, and doesn’t afraid of anything.
-Richard Roeper, on that first movie
"Tone is for single-purpose machines. Consistency is for Decepticons. Michael Bay's ideal movie shifts from action movie to teen comedy to political drama with the same well-lubricated ease that his cars become men."
-Charlie Jane Anders, io9.com, on that second movie
"What the hell have you been doing all summer?"
-A buddy of mine
This summer definitely hasn’t been short on blockbusters. Having opted to lock myself in the closet of my local movie theatre for the past few months in order to avoid paying for tickets (you know how expensive they are lately?), I can safely say I’ve caught my fair share of the latest films.
For starters, the Part 1 I reviewed before the turn of the year has promised the long-awaited finale to the Harry Potter series (with all the related trailers, merchandising, and fans camping out for days before the midnight premiere). 7/15 serves for many an antithesis and antidote to 9/11, recipients are turning out in droves with invitations to Voldemort’s funeral, those first eight notes to the Harry Potter theme will be ringing in my ears for the next year. The other day I saw the top ten Harry Potter quotes on the back of a passerby’s shirt; the famous “Not my daughter, you bitch!” line was only number eight.
I can only assume the film I ended up seeing on 7/18 (because I didn’t feel like camping out the night before 7/15) was fairly faithful to the book, with some exception. For instance, with every “Not my daughter, etc.,” there should have been an “M-word” thrown in. This racial epithet in question was left out of the film version in an ill-advised attempt to avoid offending the “Muggle” crowd, while arguably detracting from the character arc of a certain fan favorite.
Plus, unlike many fans, I came out (or rather, was dragged kicking and screaming out) of the theater not necessarily hating the epilogue. It served as a nice coda to the series, establishing the characters we’ve come to grow up with as adult wizards in their own right while introducing us to a new generation of wizards not unlike the main trio back in “The Sorcerer’s Stone.” It was almost as if the whole world was starting fresh again after the war against Voldemort. (Personally, I’m looking forward to the ninth movie, in which Harry Potter treats his kid to Chuck E. Cheese.)
The war itself was handled like anything else in Hollywood—namely, with a lot of flash and noise. If there’s a spell for sound and fury, this film pulled it off. Harry Potter and co. have been on the lam for most of their seventh year, but their quest for the Horcruxes, picking up where they left off in Deathly Hallows Part 1, soon takes them back to Hogwarts, where one of the teachers randomly chases off the new, EEEVIIIILLL headmaster Snape. (Why McGonagall waits for the better part of a year before doing anything is beyond me, though I suppose the EEEEEEVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLL Lord Voldemort being BAAAACCCKKK might have a lot to do with it.)
Then, as the main characters start trying to whittle away at old Voldy’s horcruxes, the film slowly rises to a climax, and then backs off of that climax, and then races back to try and retrace its steps, and then realizes it’s forgotten something back at the office, and then there’s some sort of…thing…snake?...phoenix?...giant spell made of fire our heroes have to
My point being, the life of a boy wizard is unbelievably awesome. Depending on whether you’ve read the book or not, you may either share this view, or you may be waiting for Harry Potter to just jump in the fridge and wait for the nukes to go off. Our boy wizard peeks back out long enough to watch Snape’s life flash before his eyes, and then the film, drinking some coffee to get itself “buzzed,” starts roaring toward the climax, a hundred miles an hour, and ends up ramming the fridge into a gas station. Located next to a bus full of nuns. Next to an orphanage. My point is, there’s never a dull moment.
Speaking of dull moments, Molly Weasley got maybe two people in my theater (including myself) to clap for her. That’s sad, isn’t it? Neville Longbottom got a round of applause out of the right half of the theater, but Molly “Not My Daughter You Bitch” Weasley gets two people. To be fair, Neville did take out a horcrux, and Mrs. Weasley…never really got that much focus in the movies anyway…
Another new movie I was looking forward to is Transformers 3. I’ve seen the first, and while it makes for an okay action movie and an okay (if somewhat implausible) sci-fi movie, it probably isn’t the best Transformers movie, in that there’s too much focus on the humans and not enough on those giant robots they’re all either running away from, making friends with, or trying to blow up.
My comment about nuking the fridge comes to mind when referring to the second movie, in that Michael Bay went out of his way not just to nuke the fridge, but to try and nuke the sun. I remember something about an old guy-type Transformer, wizened and hunched over, with a beard made out of little aluminum tendrils, but unlike the other two movies, I never saw “Revenge of the Fallen” in the theater, so I was actually spending most of that movie doing homework, checking my emails, and messing around on the all-consuming black hole that is TV Tropes.
“Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon” was a back-to-basics approach in that it was an okay action movie and an okay (if somewhat implausible) sci-fi movie, but also not the best Transformers movie, in that there is too much focus on the humans and not enough on those giant robots that just got captured offscreen. Also, Megatron is a punk in this one. He is an absolute blight on movie villains everywhere, and every time he was onscreen, I either felt pity for the poor soul, or I just wanted to facepalm. (Seriously, the Beast Wars version of Megatron would be disappointed. Yeeesss…)
Where Megatron himself is lacking, though, the other Transformers have much more distinct motivations in this film, and the backstory (including the actual presence of Cybertron) seems more fleshed-out this time. Mind you, even Optimus wasn’t someone I really felt like rooting for when it was all said and done, and all this film really did for me was reinforce the stereotype that machines will destroy us all in the future, but it introduced us to Transformers beyond “good guys” and “bad guys.” Like big (i.e., car-sized) Transformers and the little ones Sam Witwicky’s been keeping with him for some reason.
Speaking of Witwicky, he’s kind of the hero. He has some plot about a new girlfriend, and not being able to get a job, and there’s also this other guy he’s jealous of, but let’s face it, you’re not going to see movies like this for those meatbag human characters. You came to see the robots.
The nice thing about Transformers 3 is that there’s at least an A-plot. Mind you, the same thing could probably be said about the second one too, but the latest edition is quick to tie in the exploits of us meatbags (what with that whole “moon landing” we all make such a big deal about) with the war between the Cybertronians (or the Transformers, as us meatbags call them). And while it still fulfills its role as a straightforward action movie, especially with a climax that just keeps dragging and dragging and dragging for upwards of the last hour, there are much darker undertones to this tale of boy meets city-destroying robots. I know this because some characters died, some other characters betrayed the rest of the characters, and because Michael Bay said so.
A question to filmmakers, though: What is the big deal about 3-D? The trailers and commercials make better use of the 3-D technology than Michael Bay did. Sure, the little CGI mascot demonstrating how our $3 glasses work just jumps off the screen, but the most we get out of Transformers is a little explosive debris headed our way. Why so stingy with the visual effects? If robots are destroying our world, I want to be able to feel like my fragile human form is about to perish at the might of headache-inducing action sequences.
Note: The Brewsky is an enthusiastic contributor and movie reviewer. He’s a cool guy. Eh’s engaged to a girl at the local theater, and doesn’t afraid of anything.
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