The Brewhaha on..."Thor" (2011)

“Oh, no…this is Earth, isn’t it?”
-Thor, who clearly has no love for “Midgard”

“The standards for comic book superhero movies have been established by ‘Superman,’ ‘The Dark Knight,’ ‘Spider-Man 2’ and ‘Iron Man.’ […] Consider even the comparable villains (Lex Luthor, the Joker, Doc Ock and Obadiah Stane). Memories of all four come instantly to mind. Will you be thinking of Loki six minutes after this movie is over?”

-Roger Ebert

“I completely see how Thor could be a really fun character in an Avengers movie. With Downey Man cracking jokes he doesn’t get and feeling competitive with Hulk on strength and Black Widow wanting to get into his armor, he can be a lot of fun. And this film was not painful to watch… but it was no pleasure.”
-David Poland, Movie City News

“Thor, however preposterous, is never quite stupid—which, given the prevailing norms of contemporary action filmmaking, is a notable accomplishment. Hemsworth (an Australian import best know to American audiences for his role as Kirk's doomed dad in Star Trek) brings a dose of wit and charm to the lead role; Hiddleston underplays Loki nicely; and Portman, Skarsgard, Hopkins, and Dennings deliver their customary talents.”
-Christopher Orr, The Atlantic

The underlying premise behind “The Mighty Thor” when he was first created by Stan Lee and his mad geniuses at Marvel was the concept of a Superman-type character, a literal god sent to Earth.  He’s stronger than Iron Man, stronger than the Hulk, and definitely stronger than that wuss who webslings from building to building.  This is the basic appeal of Thor.  That, and the fact that he’s a goddamn Viking.

As noted in my Green Lantern review, though, there are thinkers and there are doers.  The mighty Thor is camped resolutely in the latter, impulsive and all but eager to unleash the full, unrivaled fury of his nigh-titanic hammer Mjolnir on any unwary enough to usurp ownership of the treasured postcards Odin has claimed from his journeys to the lower realms (Pittsburgh, St. Louis, really anywhere but Jersey), much less the kingly barbecue and deep fat fryer set kept in the hallowed halls of Asgard and used only to celebrate those foes, great and endless, vanquished in single combat when the Odinson should decide to “take it outside.”

But when, against the protests of his friends and family, Thor takes it outside one time too many, his father, who has vanquished multitudes of enemies throughout the nine realms and has aged into a wiser and more benevolent king of realms over the passing of the millennia, deems it necessary to strip his mightiest son of the hallowed Mjolnir, revoke his divine status, and banish him to the lower realm of Midgard, or what the mere “mortals” of that realm refer to as “Earth.”

It is at this point, this pivotal first glimpse his new life beyond the halls of Asgard, when the film starts, and it is indeed at this point when Thor, guardian of Asgard, son of Odin, keeper of the hammer Mjolnir, and battle-hardened conqueror of all who should set their unworthy eyes in his general direction, is struck by what the mortals refer to as a “car.”  Struck and fell not once, but twice, but not thrice, for the car would have learned its lesson the second time.  He is then also struck by the tazer of the fair wench riding in the car, but even this brief defeat was foreseen some time ago, for it was in the previews and thus all over the televisions of Midgard.

The greatest folly of the film, however, is the folly of its own personal superman, its mighty Norse star himself.  For as prudent as Thor’s downfall and exile to the realm of men is, so inevitable is the son of Odin’s eventual return.  The hallowed Mjolnir, nary Thor’s banishment and humbling spell of earthly existence, is still Thor’s birthright, a kingly armament which ravages all opposing armies and puts the finest weapons of the realms to shame—a weapon which Thor is destined to one day wield again.  How does a supposed filmmaker, a mere bard of the mortal realm, properly challenge a god?  What serial villains, what fevered imaginings of Midgard, could pose an appropriate antagonist for the mighty Thor himself?

Apparently, the finite, scrambling mortal minds of Midgard have deemed Loki, the trickster god himself, the villain proper for the great chronicle of Thor.   As well as a giant robot.  And…SHIELD. 

Why is SHIELD anywhere near this movie?  Am I the only one who remembers when SHIELD was confined as neatly as possible to the epilogue?  Why does every Marvel movie have to be a tie-in to all of the others?  “Iron Man” was the one to start this nonsense, and it was awesome when Nick Fury made his spoiler alert cameo, but since then, for some reason they can’t just make a Marvel movie that’s decent in its own right; it always has to be a tie-in to the damn Avengers.  Hell, Captain America is explicitly titled “The First Avenger.”  (To be fair, though, Loki sports the damn fine suit during the interrogation scene…)

Like any great tale, though, the legend of Thor is a clean, epic, and above all cautionary tale taken from the camp of the doers, the heroes who, if faced with Ragnarok, would rather die with Odin than serve under the devil, knowing little of caution and all of courage.  With every great hero, there exists between them and Valhalla not only the monsters without, but also the demons within—hubris, pride, bluntness, the lion who forgets to look before he leaps.  The Greeks had Odysseus, the Vikings had Thor, the Americans have Dr. House.  The film in question, in this tradition, represents Thor’s journey not simply to overcome the trickster god, but also to banish his hubris, recklessness, and blind willingness to start fights, just as Odin once banished him from Asgard.

And as befitting a Viking tale worthy of a god, like the plains spreading and growing in the spring thaw, a genesis of fine hair shall proclaim itself upon your chest.  The hot rush of battle, the cool malice of steel, the father’s love for his son, the son’s desire for wenches, the world-shattering clashes between gods, and the soothing power of the drink that must come afterward.  If you are a baby, a mere child in the ways of love, war, power, family, the many desires, sins, and vices of men and gods alike, you shall walk away that much closer to being a man.

Note:  The Brewsky is an enthusiastic contributor and movie reviewer, a man among men.  Many claim to be his equal, but...wait, is it "be" his equal or "be-eth" his equal?  I knew I shouldn't have droppeth out of school...