The Brewhaha on..."RED"

“I’m BACK in the saddle AGA-AIINN…I’m BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKK!!!”
-Aerosmith, “Back “BACK in the Saddle”

“You really know how to show a girl a good time.”
-John Malkovich, as himself, after shooting a rocket-propelled explosive in mid-flight

“Masked avengers need a break in 2010, so it shouldn’t be too surprising that one of the best comic book movies of the year came from an unlikely source.  In the action-comedy 'Red,' director Robert Schwentke takes an unusual source material, gathers an unbelievable cast that makes 'The Expendables' look, well, expendable, and delivers an extremely funny, action-packed movie where gimmicks such as Helen Mirren holding guns, unsurprisingly, don’t grow old.”
-Matthew Schimkowitz, WeekinRewind.com

"RED isn't nearly as clever as it seems to think it is.  The film runs out of steam halfway through and begins repeating itself, and the lack of a compelling through-story doesn't help.  (Why do the bad guys want our graying gang dead?  I honestly can't remember.)"
-Robert Butler, Kansas City Star

So goes the hype (and criticism) for “RED” a spy thriller action-comedy team-up movie, the latest DC Comics movie, and the other project Bruce Willis was working on during the shooting of “The Expendables.”  As the title apparently suggests, the film features a team of “Retired and Extremely Dangerous” spies who have been declared the government’s most wanted and find themselves in a race to catch their unseen tormentor before he catches them…

Well…on paper, that’s what it’s about.  Because, like any good movie, there’s also a girl…

The film starts with Frank Moses, played by Mr. Church himself, on the phone with Sarah Ross (played by Mary-Louise Parker, whose name alone suggests she might be out of place in this movie), a customer service rep or some such thing who has found herself on the receiving end of a game of phone tag with the smooth and intriguing voice of Bruce Willis character on the other end.  Moses himself has also become smitten with Sarah, and it seems love is in the air (or, failing that, somewhere in the land line between them).

About ten minutes in, the first black ops agents show up, and we’re reminded that this is supposed to be an action movie.  About fifteen minutes in, Sarah is equally enlightened, as she finds herself on the most intense “first date” ever.

“RED” could be many things, though this obviously depends on how faithful it’s supposed to be to whatever comic it’s based on.  It could have been an escapist adventure in the same sense as “Romancing the Stone” or…*shudder*…“Knight and Day,” or it could have been an intense (if over-the-top) spy flick.  If…*shudder*…that other movie is anything to go by, it could have been both, with Sarah getting swept up into the world of a “spy” movie featuring Bruce Willis on the run from the law.  It seems to drop this premise somewhere in the middle, though, at about the moment she gets taken in by whatever organization with 3 letters is chasing down the good guys this week.  In other words, the movie’s focus drifts away from the poor girl who ended up on a date with Die Hard himself, and ironically loses the “everyman” element from having her around.

However, Sarah’s character works in this movie in that she doesn’t seem too out of place; she’s not an annoying, shrill excuse for a damsel, but she does have a relatively sane and human reaction to getting abducted by some guy from over the phone, which makes her a bit more believable as a character.  Her character also serves to drive home the theme of love, whether this love is for one’s family, a fellow spy, or just a budding romance between an office girl and the man who sounded a lot taller (and less bald) on the phone.  (Plus, she had me at “Okay.”  Actually, she had me at “Mmm-mmph-mmph!”  You’ll know the scene when you see it…)

In all fairness, though, this movie wasn’t marketed as “Romancing the Stone Hard!” or “Diamonds Are Forever Until They Die Hard!”  It’s emphatically not a romantic comedy, it’s an outright action flick starring Bruce Willis…and an ensemble cast ranging from John Malkovich to Morgan Freeman to William Stryker the guy from the Bourne movies.  This particular premise is where the movie’s strengths lie, which makes it all the more confusing to have this random new girlfriend hanging around with them.  However, if Sarah is the heart of the show, the other characters basically are the show, with our plucky office girl placed along the likes of Frank Moses’s RED team.  Morgan Freeman, William Stryker Brian Cox…how can you go wrong with a cast like that?

Of note is John Malkovich, who plays a fellow CIA and black ops retiree who has been the subject of too many army experiments and has now been reduced to a paranoid, delusional wreck.  Apparently, eleven years’ worth of debilitating and mind-crushing government experiments makes someone absolutely hilarious.  Special mention also goes to Helen Mirren, who, if the reviews of my peers are anything to go by, apparently spends the entire movie walking around with an Uzi, and whose gimmick seems to be that she is a Shakespearean-level actress who gets to use a very big gun on a hotel’s worth of Secret Service agents.

So overall, is “RED” a good movie?  Yes.  Is it a great movie?  Yes.  The movie’s weaknesses, mostly involving this whole “love interest” angle they decided to shoehorn in, are overcome by the strength of the ensemble as a whole.  Plus, you know, John Malkovich gets to shoot a freaking rocket in mid-flight.  And he only gets more awesome from there.  As does the movie as a whole.

Note:  The Brewsky is an enthusiastic contributor and movie reviewer.  He and his ex-girlfriend, who is a cashier at a Starbucks near you, have been recruited by the CIA in order to uncover an international cocaine cartel.  Now putting a stop to Rafael Estaban's plans could mean the difference between life and death.  But perhaps their greatest obstacle could be the rekindled passion between them.  Also, there's a car chase.